Save Tonight... And Fight the Break of Dawn...

Currently, I am sitting in the middle of my dorm room at Koc University, surrounded by piles (okay mountains) of my things. Clothes, books, souvenirs, and all that other stuff that we seem to collect over time.

Tonight is my last night here at the university, and it is being spent like many other "last nights". Packing, doing laundry, and finding ways to avoid the aforementioned activities.

As I wait for the dryers, I figured it would be a good time to reflect, and try and find some closure. All day, I have bounced between two extremes of emotion. Total denial, and painful acceptance. Right now, I am trying to find the middle ground.

Tonight, myself and my closest friends decided to "come full circle". We met in Taksim, like most other Friday nights. However, it was only appropriate to treat ourselves to a traditional "balik", or fish dinner. A long affair, the dinner starts with mezze, or cold starters. Then salads, hot starters and eventually grilled fish. And as soon as you think it is done, out comes the fresh fruit. It was incredible to sit, and look around the table at the people who have become my friends here. Each of us is so incredibly different, and yet we compliment each other perfectly. There is an order to our chaos.

After dinner, we headed to our favorite hang out, just for memories sake. Eventually, we all started to part our separate ways. As I was standing on a street corner, looking around at the group surrounding me, it began to hit me that this was it.

The goodbyes I said tonight are not forever. They are, however, for a long time. We each promised that this was a form of "see you later". This is a promise that I sincerely believe we will all try to keep.

"Save tonight... And fight the break of dawn. Come tomorrow, tomorrow I'll be gone."

With that said. Tomorrow I leave for several days with my good friend Havva in Denizli, Turkey. After a long overnight bus, I will then fly to Koln, Germany to spend a week with the FANTASTIC Emily Myers. (There may even be a trip to visit Eric Miller somewhere in there!) After my time in Germany is up, it is off to Milan to spend time with my friend Micol (pictured above), and her family. Then, back to Istanbul to pick up my luggage, and a final farewell to the city. Come June 17th, I will re-enter the US. Inshallah...

The Three Musketeers

Because any incredible journey is not complete without your closest friends...

The Problem with the Past Tense

Procrastination really is the key to blogging. If I had only known that at the beginning of the semester, perhaps I would have blogged more.

The good news that comes with this post is that I am almost done with my academic commitments to Koç University. The bad news is that this signals the end of the semester, which means a return to the States, and the end of this experience.

The last several days have really flown by. Not flown by like the days do when you are busy and overworked. Rather, these days have flown by, despite my desire to cherish every moment.

There is more bad news. I have started hearing myself say things like, “This is our last Sunday night”, or “A final trip to the Grand Bazaar.” Generally a comment like this is followed by groans from those around me, and then a short moment of quiet. It is in these moments of quiet that I have started to try and process the fact that I am leaving soon.

There is a definite denial phase to this process. You see, for 6 months prior to arriving, you tell everyone that you are “going to Istanbul”. And then for 5 months, you tell everyone that you are “living in Istanbul.” Returning back to the States means that I will have to start telling people that I “lived in Istanbul.”

Not to start a grammar lesson here… But the past tense is not one of my favorite verb conjugations. It feels so final. So removed. So over. The use of the past tense in English connotes an end point. It means that it was an activity or status that was once enjoyed, and now, only exists in the stories that you tell. It means that it no longer is a part of who you actively are.

While my experience living here is over when I step on a plane to re-enter the United States, it is not in the past. It is in my present, and my future. There is something about this experience, this city, these people and these moments that I will carry with me every day in the future.

It’s the way that calling someone “canim” changes the dynamic of a relationship.

It’s the subtle upwards head nod that has come to mean no.

It’s the “simit domates ve peynir” for breakfast.

It’s the Turkish flag on every corner.

It’s the never ending flow of cay.

It’s the Bosporus.

It’s the dolmus.

It’s the love.

It’s the life.

It is.

14 Days... You have 14 days to live your life the way you want it to be...

There is something about having a tremendous amount of work to do that inspires me to post an entry. Oh yes, it is called procrastination. Regardless, I am back after another long hiatus. Apparently I am not as good at the regular blogging as I would have hoped... But I claim quality over quantity?

Let's break it down...

Spring Break
After the family arrived, we spent a day exploring parts of Istanbul before heading to the Turkish Cyprus. We stayed there for several days, visiting my Aunt and Uncle. Then, it was off to Cappadocia for several days. This might be one of my new favorite areas in Turkey. Despite narrowly making it through customs control, (Who knew that Cyrpus was considered a different country?!) we finally made it to our cave hotel. Yes, cave hotel. The next couple days were spent playing on the mountains, taking pictures, and making a new friend, Sitki. A local guy, he took us under his wing and helped to make us feel at home. A true representation of Turkish culture, he opened his home and heart.
From there, we headed to Izmir for a couple relaxing days of bazaar shopping and eating dinner on the water. After getting stranded by a boat, trying to rent a car, driving for hours on end, and almost getting lost in Istanbul, we finally arrived back.
Although my spring break was over, my family had another week in Istanbul. We got to see all the big sites, as well as enjoy the small parts of the city that I have come to call my home. My Dad and Cyrus left, and my mom stayed behind for another week. We had to chance to shop, drink coffee and do all the thing that the boys didn't get to spend a lot of time doing.

Since Spring Break
Life has been relatively uneventful. A normal pattern of school and friends has developed, and its hard to break out of the norm.

I did however, have an incredibly exciting visitor. Eric Miller, a close friend of mine from high school has been studying in Germany for the year. He, along with three of his friends hopped on a plane to Istanbul. I was able to spend a good portion of their time here with them. In addition to all the fun touristy things, we also spent a day on the beach. Yes. The beach. The Black Sea to be specific. This was an INCREDIBLE day, including playing in the water, fresh cherries, horseback riding, holding jellyfish and frisbee.

Now
Classes are over, finals start on Tuesday. This means that not having done much school work all semester long is about to catch up with me. I've already said goodbye to my friends, saying that I will see them in a week, when I finally emerge from the library. The good news is that my last week here will be much quieter, with only one project to finish. I plan on spending the time doing all my favorite things in Istanbul one last time. Hopefully I will be able to chronicle these adventures for all of you to read about.

While this entry was severely lacking in humor, excitement and spice, I blame exhaustion.

So instead, I leave you with the thought that perhaps these are things that are overrated. What makes a home a home? Its a comfort in your surroundings. Its a acceptance of norms. Its the routine. Its the love of where you are.

I guess that means I've found a home.